Dad: Last night, I cried for the first time in years. (The doorbell rings.) Ding dong! Company!
Mom: I'll get it. (she does.) Yes?
George: My name is George Martinez. I have an appointment with your husband.
Dad: Tell him I'm busy. Oh, wait. Tell him I'm busy and to come back in 15 minutes. Tell him both of those. See what he does.
Mom: Did you get all that?
George: 15 minutes, of course. I should have known. Only the Condor would be so bold.
Mom: Condor?
Dad: That's me.
George; Goodbye for now. We shall meet again someday.
Dad: In 15 minutes.
George: Exactly. Thank you, Condor. Oh thank you.
(CUT to Mom & Dad in the kitchen.)
Dad: Is he still out there?
Mom: Yes, and he looks hot. I'm going to bring him some lemonade.
Dad: Not water?
Mom: No, lemonade.
Dad: Lemonade. Interesting choice. Huh, lemonade. Let me put it this way: I don't want you to bring lemonade to George Martinez. He won't know how to react! You'll botch the whole job! Do you want that?!
(The doorbell rings. Mom answers it.)
Mom: You've come to see the Condor.
George: Excellent. So, where do we go from here?
Dad: Tell him to come back when the heat is off. The heat is unfortunately on at this time. Can't you smell it?
Mom: I don't smell anything.
Dad: Who are you to judge the heat?
George: Message recieved, Condor. Oh thank you.
Dad: You see, he gets it! He's played this game many times. He is a professional!
George: The player of games, if you will.
Dad: Exactly.
George: Yes.
(Cut to Mom and Dad in the kitchen.)
Dad: What's he doing now?
Mom: He's asleep in the hammock.
Dad: Perfect. The ball is really rolling now. Can you hear it?
Mom: Hear the ball?
Dad: No, the shadows of heat.
(Blood covers the lens.)
Dad: Listen to its sultry song of peril.
(Spy music plays. We see George is asleep in the hammock, then the camera goes to Mom.)
Mom: Um, what's this all about?
(A knife misses Mom. She screams.)
Dad: No more questions! He still out there?
Mom: No, now the hammock's on fire.
Dad: Again, procedure. Nice, Martinez. Very nice indeed. Remind me to take his mother out to lunch. (The phone rings. Dad answers it.) Martinez, I'm taking your mother to lunch. (pause) A bus? Oh, sorry, I didn't know. Hold on, I have another call. (switch) Martinez? Hold on, I gotta get rid of someone on the other line. (switch) Hello, Martinez? I thought you were someone else. We'll catch up some other time. (pause) Yeah. (pause) Yeah. Gotta go. Stay strong! (switch) Martinez! (pause) Uh-huh. (pause) Uh-huh. OK, good that was... Yes, I'll hold. (to Mom:) I'm holding.
Brak (from his room): Dad! Can I use the phone? I gotta use the internet!
(a knife misses Brak.)
Mom: Brak, what's going on up there?
Brak: Someone just threw a knife at me!
Dad: Well, It wasn't the Condor. Or perhaps it was. Or perhaps it could have... Oh, hello Martinez? Yeah, I'm here. Uh huh. Look, I can't talk about this right now. Come by in 15 minutes and bring the plans. (pause) What? I don't have the plans! (pause) So you do have the plans. You were joking. Martinez? How could you expect me to take you seriously unless you take yourself seriously?
(George is seen floating by the window.)
Dad: Now, don't get upset. No, everything's going to be fine, as long as you have the plans. All right. Uh huh. Yes, we're still friends. You, too. Goodbye. (To Brak:) I'm off the phone!
Brak: Thanks, Dad!
(The doorbell rings.)
Dad: Don't answer it.
Mom: What if it's Martinez?
Dad: Who's Martinez? I deny ever knowing such a man.
Mom: But he just
Dad: He just what?
Mom: was at the door.
Dad: Don't you mean the phone?
Mom: So you admit there is
Dad: Do I?
Mom: Yes.
Dad: Don't you mean no?
(The doorbell rings again.)
Dad: Ah, that'll be Martinez.
Mom: Should I get it?
(A knife misses Mom.)
Dad: Sorry, that time it was an accident. Yes, please get the door.
(she does.)
Hector: I'm Hector Riviera. George Martinez is dead.
Mom: Honey, it's for you!
(Hector takes off his mask and it was Dad!)
Dad: Aha! That was a trap! I told you there was no George Martinez!
Man: Oh really? Then who is that on the front lawn?
(It's Dad! Oh wait. He takes off his mask and it's George!
Dad: Abort mission!

(George flies off in a jet pack. Cut to Brak, who is jumping on the bed.)
Brak: I'm white water raftin' Rolling through the waves, look at board there's a...
(George crashes onto Brak.)
George: My name is George Martinez. I have an appointment with your father.
Brak: Do you know how to get on the internet?
George: Do I know how to get on the internet? (laughs) Do I (laughs) Do you?
Brak: No.
George: Then we are more alike than we care to admit. For I, too, long to surf the information superhighway.
Brak: Hey, Bubba, when are ya gonna get off me?
George: Ten minutes, something like that.
(Cut to the kitchen. Three knives miss Mom.)
Mom: I'm going to my mother's.
Dad: I'll shoot up a flare when it's safe to return.
Mom: You do that. (she leaves. The phone starts ringing.)
Dad: I'm not getting it.
(The phone still rings and now the doorbell is ringing.)
Dad: Brak, what's that in your hand? It looks like a note.
Brak: It appears to be!
Dad: Good. Read it to me.
Brak: Dear Condor, why won't you answer the phone and the door? Signed, M.
(Dad gets the phone.)
Dad: Hello, Martinez? I consider it the lowest of blows that you have enlisted my son in our dirty world of espionage and intrigue. Martinez?
Hector (on the phone.): Martinez is dead. I am Hector Riviera!
Dad: What do you want?
Hector: I am surrounding the house.
Dad: Oh really? Then who's at the front door?
Hector: Confound you, Condor! You are too good!
Dad: Listen, I'm sending a secret agent to come talk to you in 15 minutes.
Hector: So I should just stand here at the front door?
Dad: So you are at the front door?
Hector: Again! Confound you!
(Hector blasts off in his jet pack outside the front door and crashes into Brak's room.)
Hector: Brak? Could you come up here for a second?
Dad: Where have I heard that voice before?
Brak: Well, it's obviously...
Dad: Impossible! Hector Riviera died years ago in a fiery train blaze!
Brak: Then who's...
Dad: His body was horribly disfigured by the intense heat, making positive identification unfeasable!
Brak: Then, what...
Dad: Still, they're pretty sure it was Hector.
Brak: Then who's that up in my room?

(Cut to Brak in his room.)
Brak: Zorak, what are you doing here?
Zorak: I was tryin' to get on the internet, but your computer crashed. On him. When I forced his head through it.
Brak: Is he dead?
Zorak: He was when I killed him!
Brak: Look! A note!
Zorak: Here. I'll read it. Uh, Grrr, plank. Gwzzyplankzzzzzoop? Aw, who am I kiddin' I can't read.
Brak: Gimme that. "Hector Riviera is dead. Long live George Martinez. Signed Rudolpho the butcher."
Zorak: (shudders.) I haven't heard that name in years.
Brak: You know him?
Zorak: Yeah, I used to work for him in the mail room.
Brak: Really? What'd you do?
Zorak: G**, what a crap job that was.
Brak: Is he really a butcher?
Zorak: No one knows for sure. No one has ever seen him.
Brak: Then how do you know...
Zorak: You ask too many questions! Gaw, seriously! That's like 75 questions you've asked since you walked in!
Brak: You're right. The hour of questions is over. It's time to book a one-way ticket to answer town! Zorak, there's someone I want you to meet.

(Cut to Dad, Zorak, and Brak in the kitchen.)
Zorak: I already met him.
Brak: Condor, this man once worked in the mail room with none other than Rudolpho the butcher.
Dad: (shudders.) I haven't heard that name in years. And by that, I mean never. Who is he?
Brak: Call me crazy, but I think Rudolpho might be the key to this whole house of games.
(Dramatic sting plays.)
Dad: I think you're right, Crazy.
(Dramatic sting plays.)
Dad: Zorak, can you take us to him?
Zorak: I can take you as far as the bridge.

(Cut to a bridge at night.)
Zorak: This is as far as I go. I'll pray for your souls. (he takes off on a jet pack.) Suckers!
Brak: Now what, general Condor?
Dad: Now, we wait.
(The camera pans around.)
Brak: (whispers) Maybe this isn't the right bridge.
Dad: Shh! Quiet! I hear something.
(we hear footsteps and Rudolpho comes.)
Rudolpho: The shadows of heat, how they flicker.
Dad: Rudolpho. We meet at last.
Brak: Hey, are you really a butcher?
Rudolpho: But of course!
Brak: Then answer me this: Do you know how to get on the internet?
Rudolpho: Oh, I could tell you that. But then I'd have to do this!
(Rudolpho pulls off his mask and it's really George!)
Brak: George Martinez! You're alive!
Dad: Of course he is! Where have you been?
Brak: I don't know Dad. It's all too much for me! I can't take this spy game!
(he jumps off the bridge.)
Dad: He'll be all right.
George: So Dad, why didn't you just let me in the house when I stopped by?
Dad: You know what? I don't know. Sometimes there's no explaining my behavior.
(They both laugh.)
Dad: So, did you bring the plans?
George: I thought you had them.
Dad: Martinez, you fool!
George: (laughs) Of course I have the plans. I was joking again, as I did earlier.
Dad: George, you are too much, man.
George: I know it. And I gotta live with it.
Dad: Well, let's take a look at them. We're going to throw Hector the best bachelor party ever!
George: Wait, didn't Hector die?
Dad: What, so now you don't wanna do it?
(The credits roll. We see Dad and George. Their eyes blink a couple of times.)
Rudolpho: The shadows of heat. How they flicker.