(Brak is walking down the street fast.)
Brak: It's time! It's time! It's today! Gotta make it! Oh my feet! Walking so fast! Whaddya say, feet? I say we go, Brak. I say OK feet! OK let's go!
(he runs into Thundercleese.)
Thundercleese: What is your hurry, neighborhood Brak? Are you fleeing a razor-toed spine masher?
Brak: No, sir, Mr. Thundercleese, but I gotta go go go or I'm gonna miss the best show ever of any show to be shown on the show show-er.
Thundercleese: Television is for the weak. A warrior's mind must be sharp! (he makes kung-fu moves.)
Brak (unimpressed) Right... Say, what time you got there, partner?
Thundercleese: Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based life forms to monitor their on-going decay.
Brak: Sorry, Thundercleese. I gotta go or I'll never forgive myself. So long, T Baby!
(Brak zooms off. Mike comes hopping in.)
Mike: Hi, there, my name's Mike. I'm a razor-toed spine masher. Wanna be pals?
Thundercleese: Negative!
(Thundercleese zaps Mike. Cut to the kitchen.)
Mom: Well, hello, Brak. How was your...
Brak: Mommy...no...talk...daddy...science...TV...now! (He zooms away. Zorak hops in.)
Zorak: Hello, hello, hello.
Mom: Oh, hello, Zorak, Brak's in the, um, uh.
(Zorak leans close to Mom.)
Zorak: I am very attracted to you.
Mom: I can hurt you.
Zorak: A wak-a-chi-cha wow!
(Cut to Brak and Dad in the den.)
Brak: Am I late?
Dad: No, my boy, you're just in time!
(He turns on the TV.)
Singers: His name is Senor Science, Science is his game. And now for Senor Science, and also have to [????]
Senor Science: Hello, chicos y chicas.
Dad: Bring on the woman!
Senor Science: Let's say hello to the fabulous Chiquita!
Chiquita: Coochie-coochie-coochie-ba!
Senor Science: Let's watch as Chiquita demonstrates buoyancy.
(Of course, we don't see it.)
Brak: Wow! How did she do that?
Dad: I don't know, but keep it coming.
Senor Science: Thank you, Chiquita. And now, my friends, you may have noticed that my latest experiment has left me frozen in this block of frozen ice.
Brak: Oh no!
Senor Science: I can't very well do a show when I'm 90% frozen. But you can use science to save me. Listen to find out how.
Announcer: Save Senor Science by purchasing the Senor Science Scientific Melting Kit! Available now for only $19.99. That's not much, is it? I don't think so! Order now or say goodbye to the Senor and Chiquita!
Dad: Ay!
Senor: So cold. So very cold.
(The singers sing as the credits roll.)
Singers: His name is Senor Science, and he will surely die / unless you run right to your store and Senor Science Melting Kit you buy.
(Dad turns the TV off.)
Brak: Dad, I need $20.
Dad: Yes, and I need a prehensil tail so I can grab onto things like a monkey.
Brak: So, can I have the money?
Dad: Brak, I haven't had $20 for a long time. But I'll tell you what I do have.
Brak: A hat made out of lemons?
Dad: No.
Brak: A watermelon boat?
Dad: No, an idea. Why don't you put on a show and charge admission?
Brak: What kind of show?
Dad: I would say something with music and comedy!
(Zorak hops in.)
Zorak: And murder!
Dad: Now you're talking!
Brak: We could make costumes and build sets!
Zorak: And use real blood!
Dad: Sky's the limit.
(Zorak coughs evilly.)
Brak: Dad, will you be in my show?
Dad: Sure, I will. But I want my own trailer stocked to the hilt with exotic creams and lotions.
Brak: Deal.
(Mom walks in.)
Mom: Hey, fellas, can I be in your show?
Brak: You bet, mamma jamma.
Mom: Hot da**!
Brak: It'll be a show for everyone who loves music!
Zorak: And murder! (he laughs evilly.)
Brak: Come along, old chaps. We got us a show to do.

(A newspaper swirls around and says "Brak and Associates To Put On A Big Show". Another one says "Psychoklahoma To Open Tonight".
(Cut to backstage.)
Brak: Well, tonight's the big night. Remember, people, the future of Senor Science is at stake.
Dad: And don't forget Chiquita! (makes howling noises, and then realizes Mom notices.) Hey!
Mom: Oh, give it a rest.
Brak: So, let's give it all we got. And when we don't have any more, we'll take out a second mortgage and give that, too. And when that's gone, we'll go from door to door selling delicious candies, some of which we'll eat ourselves, of course...
Dad: Will there be taffy?
Brak: How do I know?
Dad: I like taffy, sue me, why don't you?
(A drumroll is heard.)
Brak: Oh no, that's my cue! C'mon!
(The curtain rises and Brak is magically in a cowboy outfit.)
Brak: Man oh man it's great to be a cowboy. Makes a cowboy wanna sing the following assortment of words: Ooooooooh what a beautiful morning it is / With the prairie heat / on my cowboy feet / Have I mentioned I'm a cooooooowboy? Oy!
(The audience cheers)
Brak: Oh, look. Who is that I see with my cowboy eyes in that building way over yonder?
Dad: Admiral Rotherford B. Marbles, owner of Marbles Marbles, Incorporated. (singing) When you need marbles / trust Marbles!
(The audience cheers)
Dad: Sister Christian! Come to me and we will speak together.
Mom: Here I am! At your service, Admiral.
Dad: This is a sack of $10,000 money, Miss Christian. Please to put it in the bank, without stealing it, my darling.
Mom: I will do that and you can be sure. (singing) Even though the money may be nice / It belongs to Admiral Marbles / But I'd like to buy some very fancy things / so maybe I'll steal it after all.
(The audience cheers.)
Brak: Oh my goodness! (singing) Somebody's gonna get in trouble / Watch with me, won't you / as the plot thickens!
(Violin music like in Psycho is playing)
Mom: $10,000 money. I know I shouldn't have stolen it, but I did and now it's mine. Ha ha ha. Look, a motel.
Zorak: Welcome to the Painful Acres Motel, where the motto is "Watch your friggin' back!"
Brak: (singing) Danger, Danger / watch your friggin' back!
Zorak: Can I help you...to die? (evil laugh)
Mom: I need a room for the evening.
Zorak: I'll put you in number 1 because 1 stands for murder!
Mom: (enthusiastically) Oh great! I happen to have $10,000 money in my car. I'll go get it presently.
Zorak: You do that. (he sings in his voice from "War Next Door") Guests will stay at the Painful Acres / They won't stay long so I charge by the hour / They'll know why when they try to take a shower with the spigot on high / See my sillhouette through the curtain / Why I'm wearing a dress is uncertain / When I steal your dough you'll be hurtin' from the stabbin' in the shower / With the spigot on high.
(The audience cheers. Thundercleese lands next to Zorak.)
Thundercleese: You're not stabbing anyone, perpetrator. Not if the mighty Thunderclesse has anything to say about it.
Brak (from backstage): You're not Thundercleese, Thundercleese. You're Sheriff Buckstage Brush.
Thundercleese: But my name is Thundercleese! (He fires at Brak, and Brak and Mom duck.)
Mom: Maybe you should let him do it his way, dear.
Thundercleese (singing): I'm the law, I'm the law, I'm the law! / I'm the law, I'm the law / I'm the law! La!
Brak: (angrily) That's not how I wrote it... (Thundercleese fires at Brak and it goes right through Brak's big 10 gallon hat.) ...but I like it.
(Dad is backstage)
Dad: I know what this play needs, a little more Daddy. You just wait, I've got some plans here.
(Back on stage)
Thundercleese: You are under arrest for conspiring to terminate Sister Christian.
Zorak: Cram it, jerkwater!
Thundercleese: That is not your line! Only Thundercleese improvises! (He blows Zorak away and only a black ring on the floor remains. Dad comes down.)
Dad: Look! The spaceman have arrived!
Brak (rushes onstage): You're not in this part, Dad!
Thundercleese: Shall I destroy him?
Mom: Heavens no! He's my husband!
Dad: I don't speak-a your language! I am the spaceman! Whoaaaa! Where is your leaders? I come in peace!
Brak: Dad!
Mom: Brak, let your father be the spaceman.
Brak: All right, fine. He actually makes a good spaceman. Oh wait! The finish!
Dad, Mom, Thundercleese and Brak: Ohhhhhh my goodness what a beautiful evening it is / Our play's a smash / Hope you paid in cash / So we can save Senor Sciennnce! Science!
(The audience cheers and the curtain lowers.)
Dad: Listen to that applause! They love the spaceman! (He goes up in the sky.)
Thundercleese: How was I? Was I all right?
Brak: You were a serendipity treat, my friend, delicious.
Thundercleese: At first, I was nervous, but then I started feeling it. Instinct took over, just like in war!
Mom: Whoo doggies! I left it all out there on stage! I'm pooped!
Brak: Speaking of doggies, Mom, where'd you learn to sing?
Zorak: I've blown right through your nose on my a**ophone (Mom slaps him.) Shockazulu! Wow!
Brak: Boom, baba boom ba ... Oh look at the time! I need to send away for the Senor Science Scientific Melting Kit!

(Brak is watching TV.)
Senor Science: Hello again, children. I've had quite a week since our last show. As you can see, I'm no longer frozen in the block of frozen ice. So you won't be needing your Senor Science Scientific Melting Kit.
Brak: What? What is this bullcrap?
Senor Science: And now a word about this week's experiment. It seems like live wolves do not make comfortable footwear. As a matter of fact, they are eating their way up my leg as I speak to you now. Ack! Help me! Listen to find out how.
Announcer: Save what's left of Senor Science by purchasing the Senor Science Scientific Carnivore Footwear Reversal Service. Only $24.99! You're parents'll pay for it! They've got the cheese! Call now!
(Brak turns off the TV.)
Brak: Aw, man. I guess we're gonna have to do another play.
(Mike hops in.)
Mike: Hiya hiya hiya! Did someone say play? You know, I did Summerstock in the Regulahr Quadron. (sings) Here we go, here we go, here we go.
(The credits start rolling and Mike is singing over them.)
Mike: Put me in the show / in the show / in the show. Whatcha know / whatcha know / whatcha know. How you like my razor toes / razor toes / razor toes, toes, toes, tooooooes! Whee!