==================MOBAB===============
References
+ Gloria
- the 60's song where they spell out Gloria
(Dad and Mom are in the kitchen.)
Dad: Mother, have you seen my blue velvet warmup suit?
Mom: Isn't in your exercise drawer?
Dad: Well, now, how would I know that unless you go open the door and look.
Mom: Can't you go do that yourself?
Dad: Well, but what would be the point of asking you to do it?
Mom: I want you to know that I spent my whole Saturday cooking and cleaning and plunging toilets...
Dad: I want my warmup suit!
(Brak walks in.)
Brak: Hey, are you guys fighting?
Mom: No, dear, your father's just behaving like an a**.
Dad: Well, you should know. You married one.
Mom: Yes, I did and I'm starting to regret it.
Dad: Where are you going? It's time to feed my stomach!
Mom: Feed it yourself! (She slams the door.)
Dad: Well, Brak, it looks like once again, I am the winner.
(Zorak and Mobab walk in.)
Zorak: How's it goin', girls?
Brak: Hey, hey. Hey, Zorak, who's that guy with you?
Mobab: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mobab von Hoffman. Perhaps you've heard of me.
Brak: I sure have, just a second ago when you said "I'm Mobab von Hoffman"
Mobab: You're not very bright, are you?
Brak: Who wants to know?
Mobab: That's what I love about meeting new people: they're not as smart as I am.
Zorak: Ain't he a riot? I met him at the club.
Mobab: Yes, the gentlemen's club. Gentlemen only, please.
Brak: Can I join? I'm a gentleman, watch this: (in a fake British accent:) Allow me to pee on your biscuit, grandmama.
Mobab: I'm sorry, but Zorak took the last available membership, following the untimely passing of Colonel Noseworthy.
Zorak: Yeah, it took him all night to die.
(Mom walks in.)
Mom: Brak, tell your father that his puppets had a little accident.
Dad: They're not puppets, they're marrionettes!
Mom: Not anymore.
Mobab: Ahhh, and who is this vision of exquisite beauty?
Brak: Funny you should ask. (singing) That's my mom / she goes by the name of Mom / M is for her razzmatazz / O is for the way she talks / The other M is there because / you can't have a mom without M's.
Mobab: What a lovely name: Mom. How it rolls off the beak, like sweet spring rain kissing the plump ripe skin of a nectarine, as it begs to be plucked and devoured.
Mom: Oh, what a wonderful compliment. I've almost forgotten what one sounded like.
Dad: What do you mean? Just yesterday I said you're a lucky woman. To have a man like me.
Mobab: You self-centered boob. You have the brightest star in all the galaxies, but you can't see past your own greasy moustache.
Dad: You know what, you're right. Mother, my moustache needs grooming, hop to it!
Mom: (angrilly) Ooh!
Dad: C'mon, I don't have all day.
Mobab: Oh, dear lady, let me take you away from all of this. I'll show you the wonders of the universe.
Mom: Come to think of it, I could use a little vacation from some people.
Dad: Well, you're not taking Billy Whiskers. (suddenly, Dad has a goat on his lap.)
Dad: He stays with me.
Billy Whiskers: Baa.
Brak: Mom, are you really going away with this charming gentleman?
Mom: Why yes, dear, I think I might. And, I'm not sure when I'll be back. (she winks at Brak.)
Brak: Oh, I get it. (Brak winks back.)
Mobab: Shall we go, my darling? The universe beckons.
(Mobab and Mom go.)
Zorak: Ooh, Mobab! The player has played.
Brak: Dad, she's gone! When I said I got it, I was trying to look smart! But I'm not smart! I didn't get it at all!
Dad: Brak, stop bawling. She probably just outside the door preparing to crawl in and beg me to take her back.
(In the background, a rocket zooms off.)
Dad: OK, she's gone. (starts crying)
Brak: It's all your fault, Zorak. If you hadn't brought that brutally handsome gentleman into this house, I'd still have a mommy!
Dad: And I would still have a robust woman to carry my coffee beans to the roasting facility!
Brak: I feel so abandoned! Who's gonna take care of us 'til Mom gets back? (he stares at Zorak)
Zorak: What? What're you looking at?
Brak: Hmm. I wonder...
(Brak imagines Zorak as his mom.)
Zorak Mom: And how are the men in my life today?
Dad: Fantastic. I grew six inches last night.
Zorak Mom: Oh, you...
Brak: I grew 6 inches too, mom. I need new pants!
Zorak Mom: Who's for tiny cakes?
(Zorak hops in.)
Zorak: What the he** are you doing?
Zorak Mom: Why I'm tending to the needs of my loved ones.
Zorak: C'mon, we're getting outta here!
Brak: Momma! Don't leave me!
Zorak Mom: Goodbye son!
(Brak stops imagining.)
Brak: Aw man! That's the 2nd mom I lost and it's not even lunchtime.
Dad: What are you talking about?
Brak: I'll tell you, Dad. In song: (starts singing.) Good ol' Mom with cookie crumbs in her hair / I miss her so. / Who's gonna acid-wash my jeans? / Who's gonna pour my pork and beans?
Dad: Who will rinse my moustache clean?
Dad/Brak: Wherefore art thou, Mom?
(Cut to Mobab and Mom on a moon-like planet.)
Mobab: I've always said, there's nothing quite as romantic as strolling the 42nd moon of Dymaxion during the season of Glarnana!
Mom: Yes, It's all been very nice, but I really think I should...
Mobab (singing): My love! She's a very sexy lady! The kind you can't take home to mommy! Will you marry me? (stops.)
Mom: Mr. von Hoffman, I can't marry you. I'm already married.
Mobab: Unhappily, I might add.
Mom: Don't let appearances fool you. I love my husband very much.
Mobab: Then why'd you leave him to accompany me on this romantic junket?
Mom: I wanted to make him jealous. I'm sorry about all this. Now, if you could just take me home to my family...
Mobab: Oh no. That would be quite unacceptable, thank you. I have plans for us. (laughs evilly) Big big plans! (laughs evilly more)
Mom: Oh, dear.
(Cut to Brak and Dad in a very messy kitchen.)
Dad: Brak, have you finished up the kitchen?
Brak: Aye, aye, captain Diddy.
Dad: And the living room, is it still on fire?
(Brak zooms in with a fireman suit.)
Brak: Yeah, but I think I might have it contained.
Dad: Well then, I think we're getting along fine without your mother, don't you? (reads the paper.) Hey, look at this. "Handsome monster stealing women."
Brak: Hey Dad, that looks like Mobab.
Dad: It does, doesn't it? Oh, look! The exploding circus is coming to town! One night only! I think we should go to that.
Brak: Dad, don't you understand? Mom's in danger! We have to save her!
Dad: Ay!
(Zorak hops in.)
Zorak: Hey, gimme 10 bucks.
Brak: Zorak, Mobab has mom-napped Mom! We need to know where he lives! Right now!
Zorak: Ah, certainly. I think I can provide you with that information.
Brak: Thanks, buddy. I knew I could count on you.
Zorak: I would think a gentleman of my stature would require a fee of, say, $50 to fund my evening's entertainment.
Brak: Zorak, we're talking about my Mom's life here!
Zorak: So we are, so we are. It's always hard to put a price on life, especially one's mother. So how 'bout $75?
Dad: I have $3 in change. Take it or leave it.
Zorak: You, sir, have a deal. Mobab lives in a cozy little cave and I'll tell you how to get there...
(Cut to Mobab in a cave with a coccoon.)
Mobab: And so, my darling, any moment now you will emerge from your coccoon, transformed into my ideal woman! And you'll be mine! All mine!
(A close-up of the coccoon reveals Mom is in there with masking tape in her mouth. Brak and Dad enter with a costume of a female Mobab-type.)
Brak: Hello, handsome man. Would you like to take me to the picture show? I'll show you a good time.
Mobab: Brak, what're you doing here?
Brak: Brak? Oh no, my name is Gloria! G-L-O-R-I-A.
Mobab: Brak?
Brak: What?
Mobab: What would you have done if I succomed to your advances? Are you prepared for my kind of love?
Brak: Well, I wasn't gonna let you score or nothin'.
Mobab: It's a terrible costume. Terrible. I can see the stitching.
(Both Brak and Dad are out of the costume.)
Dad: We didn't have much time. We did the best we could.
Mobab: Well, your plan, such as it was, has failed. Mom is mine now. You'll never see her again. Never!
Dad: Oh mother, if only you were here. I would pepper the cheek of your choice, with special kisses of sadness and regret.
(Mom mumbles.)
Dad: For much like the melon who doesn't stop to thank the fertilizer for making it fat and delicious, I have neglected you.
(more mumbling voices.)
Dad: What was that?
Mobab: I heard nothing. (more.) I didn't hear that, either. La da dee...
(Mobab's Mom comes in.)
Mobab's Mom: Mobab!
Mobab: Why mother, what a surprise! I thought you were having your ink changed today.
Mobab's Mom: You've got a woman in there! You know how I fel about coccooning in my house!
Mobab: I'm 35, mother. I live in your basement! I'm lonely!
Mobab's Mom: Well, no wonder! Not a hair on you!
Mobab: What are you going to do, mother? You're not going to take away my tiny pies, are you?
Mobab's Mom: You have seen your last tiny pie.
Mobab: Oh please, don't, mommy. I'll sing your favorite song. You know how your sonny bunny loves his tiny pies.
Mobab's Mom: Oh, shut up.
(they both leave.)
Brak: Dad, did you hear what she said? There's a woman in that coccoon. You think it's mom?
Dad: Well, she is a woman. Hey, who do you think I should talk to about getting one of those pies?
Brak: We need to get her out of there!
Dad: I'm not touching that thing.
Brak: But Dad...
Dad: My back hurts.
(It begins to hatch.)
Brak: It's hatching, Daddy.
(A big shadow of mom is hovering over them.)
Dad: Uh-oh.
Brak: Mom?
(Cut to Dad and Brak flying on the back of Mom, who has transformed into a giant butterfly.)
Dad: You know, mother, I meant every word back there.
Mom: (squawks.)
Brak: Hey, Dad, how long do you think she's gonna be like this?
Dad: I don't know, but I think I'm going to bunk with you for a while.
Brak: Hey, look. There's my school.
Dad: Yes, and over there is the gentleman's club.
(Cut to Zorak and a stuffy old man in chairs with British music playing.)
Man: I rode with Colonel Noseworthy in the habberdashery campaign.
Zorak: Screw you!
(Credits roll. The voices continue.)
Man: What a sport! When I said that I rode with Colonel Noseworthy in the habberdashery campaign, you told me to screw me! Quite, quite. You said "screw you."
Did you notice that Mobab thinks huge butterflies look sexy?